I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
