Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
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We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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