Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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