what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
