dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
