Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she pinky promised me she was 18
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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