My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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