Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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