Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
