i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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