I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
