Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
