I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Found your dick twin last night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
