I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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