that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
