remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
