I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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