He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
