omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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