he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
