Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
