WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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