No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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