If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
