I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
