i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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