I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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