Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you would pick up someone in the library
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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