you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
