just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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