How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
