Non-Jews are for practice
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
is wine microwaveable?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
