dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
