i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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