He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
