i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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