i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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