Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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