I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
