the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
