Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
