dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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