I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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