I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
