I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
