Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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