just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
