He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
