Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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