I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
