i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
