I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
