But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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