this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
