I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
