There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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