ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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