There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
