dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
